The "Official Government Story" of 9/11

Directed by a beardy-guy from a cave in Afghanistan, nineteen hard-drinking, coke-snorting, devout Muslims enjoy lap dances before their mission to meet Allah.

Using nothing more than craft knifes, they overpower cabin crew, passengers and pilots on four planes. And hangover or not, they manage to give the world’s most sophisticated air defense system the slip.

Unfazed by leaving their “How to Fly a Passenger Jet User's Manual" in the rental car at the airport, they master the controls in no-time and score direct hits on two towers, causing THREE towers to collapse completely.

Then our masterminds even manage to overpower the odd law of physics or two… and the world watches in awe as three steel-framed buildings fall symmetrically – through their own mass – at free-fall acceleration, for the first time in history.

Despite all their dastardly cunning, they stupidly give their identity away by using explosion-proof passports, which survive the fireball undamaged and fall to the ground… only to be discovered by the incredible crime-fighting sleuths at the FBI.

Meanwhile down in Washington…Hani Hanjour, having previously flunked 2-Man Cessna Flying School, gets carried away with all the success of the day and suddenly finds incredible abilities behind the controls of a Boeing 707. Instead of flying straight down easily into the large roof area of the Pentagon, he decides to show off a little - executing an incredible 270 degree downward spiral, he levels off to hit the low facade of the world’s most heavily defended building.

Hanjour does this all without a single shot being fired at him or ruining the nicely mowed lawn… and all at a speed just too fast to capture on any of the 80+ video cameras surrounding the Pentagon that day.

Later, in the skies above Pennsylvania, desperate to talk to loved ones before their death, some passengers use sheer willpower to connect mobile calls that otherwise would not be possible until that technology is developed several years later.

Following a heroic attempt by some to retake control of Flight 93, it crashes into a Shanksville field leaving no trace of engines, fuselage, luggage or occupants… except for a single, standard issue, Muslim Terrorist's Bandana.

Further south in Florida, President Bush, our brave Commander-in-Chief, continues to read “My Pet Goat” to a class full of primary school children as he shrugs off the obvious possibility that his life (and those around him) could be in imminent danger.

Meanwhile back in New York, World Trade Center leaseholder Larry Silverstein blesses his own foresight in insuring the WTC buildings against terrorist attack only six weeks previously.

While back in Washington, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz shake their heads in disbelief at their own luck in getting the ‘New Pearl Harbor’ catalyzing event they so desired in order to begin new wars and pursue their agenda of world domination.

And finally, ignoring reports of their own deaths, at least seven of the nineteen suicide hijackers turn up alive and kicking in mainstream media reports. Our own media disregards this because they know that all suicide hijackers are liars.

And there you have it. It's ALL in the "Official 9/11 Commission Report" that everyone believes - but evidently doesn't bother to read.

* Adapted from the story by "AWAKEincleveland."